Quote

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Kind
Usually
Seeing
Show
House
Surreal
Shows
Award
Used
Academy
Give
Awards
Giving
Weird

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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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