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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
People
Reflection
Wear
Level
Levels
Stage
Head
Also
Blinded
Way
Hats
More quotes by Steven Wright
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Steven Wright
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Steven Wright
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
