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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Twice
Wearing
Glasses
Bible
Fiction
Reading
Read
Pair
Two
Pairs
More quotes by Steven Wright
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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