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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Much
Feeling
Grateful
Make
Gone
Bigger
Would
Living
Career
Like
Feelings
Careers
Thought
Lucky
Ever
Longer
Feel
Create
Feels
Imagination

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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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