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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Friends
Tell
Superstitious
Didn
Comedian
Happens
Kept
Thought
Wouldn
Wanted
Told
Years
Head
People
Happen
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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