Quote

I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Always
Watch
Would
Show
Night
Shows
Carson
Dream
Johnny
Thought
Comics
Used
Brilliant
Every
Watches

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright