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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Night
Shows
Carson
Dream
Johnny
Thought
Comics
Used
Brilliant
Every
Watches
Always
Watch
Would
Show
More quotes by Steven Wright
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
