Quote

Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Life
Exist
Hope
Find
Wells
Hologram
Might
Holograms
Well
Investigated
Real
Mines
Really
Mine

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright