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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Might
Holograms
Well
Investigated
Real
Mines
Really
Mine
Life
Exist
Hope
Find
Wells
Hologram
More quotes by Steven Wright
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I took a baby shower.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
