Quote

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Charged
Street
Tried
Streets
Guy
Money

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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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