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OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Dark
Funny
Science
Speed

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
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The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright