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OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Science
Speed
Humor
Dark

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Steven Wright
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright