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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Toys
Popular
Humor
Fun
Friends
Funny
Barbie

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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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