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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Friends
Funny
Barbie
Toys
Popular
Humor
Fun

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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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