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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Barbie
Toys
Popular
Humor
Fun
Friends
Funny

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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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