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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lips
Karaoke
Arrested

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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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