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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Karaoke
Arrested
Lips

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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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