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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Friends
Making
Wanted
Whole
Always
Classroom
Never
Laugh
Laughing
Attention

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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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