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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Wanted
Whole
Always
Classroom
Never
Laugh
Laughing
Attention
Friends
Making
More quotes by Steven Wright
I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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