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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Whole
Always
Classroom
Never
Laugh
Laughing
Attention
Friends
Making
Wanted
More quotes by Steven Wright
When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
