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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Radio
Guy
Thought
Would

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
Steven Wright