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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Casual
Laid
Head
Guy
Back
Look
Looks
Like
Circus

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Steven Wright
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
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I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright