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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Guy
Back
Look
Looks
Like
Circus
Casual
Laid
Head

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright