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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Back
Look
Looks
Like
Circus
Casual
Laid
Head
Guy

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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