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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Guy
Back
Look
Looks
Circus
Like
Casual
Laid
Head

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
Steven Wright
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
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I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright