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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Casual
Laid
Head
Guy
Back
Look
Looks
Like
Circus

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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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