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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Appears
Emotions
Emotion
Everyone

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven Wright
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright