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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Appears
Emotions
Emotion
Everyone
More quotes by Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright