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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Comedy
Ties
Everybody
Lists
Simple
Chains
Funny
Bill
Fax
Bills
Chain
Letters
Dollar
Dollars
Letter
Humor
List
More quotes by Steven Wright
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
