Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Whole
Hour
Feel
Laugh
Feels
Paid
Think
Lucky
Thinking
Laughing
People
Saying
Getting
Hours
Solidly
More quotes by Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
