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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Hours
Solidly
Whole
Hour
Feel
Laugh
Feels
Paid
Think
Lucky
Thinking
Laughing
People
Saying
Getting

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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What a nice night for an evening.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
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What do batteries run on?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright