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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Whole
Hour
Feel
Laugh
Feels
Paid
Think
Lucky
Thinking
Laughing
People
Saying
Getting
Hours
Solidly

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
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I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
Steven Wright
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
Steven Wright