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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Okay
Find
Think
Thinking
Dressed
Gotta
Eight
Jokes
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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