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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Like
Breaking
Across
Behinds
Behind
Dangerous
Pond
Stand
Ponds
Running
Frozen
Love
Ice
More quotes by Steven Wright
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
Steven Wright
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
