Quote

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lost
Roommate
Elephant
Elephants
Pet
Apartment
Somewhere
Comedy

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
Image
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
Image
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
Image
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
Image
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
Image
I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
Image
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
Image
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
Image
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
Image
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
Image
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
Image
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
Image
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
Image
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
Image
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
Image
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
Image
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
Image
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright