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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lost
Roommate
Elephant
Elephants
Pet
Apartment
Somewhere
Comedy
More quotes by Steven Wright
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
