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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Expressive
Exaggeration
Stage
Part
Much

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright