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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Part
Much
Expressive
Exaggeration
Stage
More quotes by Steven Wright
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
