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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Skydiving
Definitely
Succeed
Funny
Firsts
First

More quotes by Steven Wright

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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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