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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
First
Skydiving
Definitely
Succeed
Funny
Firsts

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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I washed mud off of mud.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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