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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Definitely
Succeed
Funny
Firsts
First
Skydiving

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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