Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Justice
Funny
Experience
Need
Needs
Something
Miscellaneous
More quotes by Steven Wright
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright