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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Need
Needs
Something
Miscellaneous
Humor
Justice
Funny
Experience
More quotes by Steven Wright
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
Steven Wright
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
