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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Build
Asked
Bring
Someone
Stranded
Book
Island
Would
Islands
Desert
Boat

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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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