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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Asked
Bring
Someone
Stranded
Book
Island
Would
Islands
Desert
Boat
Build
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What do batteries run on?
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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