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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Someone
Stranded
Book
Island
Would
Islands
Desert
Boat
Build
Asked
Bring
More quotes by Steven Wright
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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