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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Museum
Statues
Museums
Heads
Arms
Comedy
Went

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright