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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
George
Radio
Walking
Walks
Comedy
Announcer
Hear
Announcers
Talk
Bridge
Bridges
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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