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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Comedy
Announcer
Hear
Announcers
Talk
Bridge
Bridges
George
Radio
Walking
Walks

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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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