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At one point he decided enough was enough.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Frustration
Decided
Humor
Comedy
Point
Funny
Enough

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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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