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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Hand
Funny
Hands
Different
Hilarious
Witty
Humorous
Fingers
More quotes by Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
