Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Hands
Different
Hilarious
Witty
Humorous
Fingers
Humor
Hand
More quotes by Steven Wright
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
Steven Wright
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Steven Wright
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
