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On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humorous
Fingers
Humor
Hand
Funny
Hands
Different
Hilarious
Witty

More quotes by Steven Wright

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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Steven Wright
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright