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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Crafts
Wrote
Humor
Books
Purpose
Funny
Book
Children
More quotes by Steven Wright
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright
I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
