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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Books
Purpose
Funny
Book
Children
Crafts
Wrote
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Steven Wright
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
