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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Purpose
Funny
Book
Children
Crafts
Wrote
Humor
Books
More quotes by Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
Steven Wright
I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright
