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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Funny
Left
Thinking
Indy
Earlier
Watched
Fast
Wouldn
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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