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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Going
Pull
Think
Environmental
Thinking
Speed
Civilization
Humor
Fun
Funny
Come
Speeding

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright