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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Come
Speeding
Going
Pull
Think
Environmental
Thinking
Speed
Civilization
Humor
Fun
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright