Quote

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Comedy
Harmonicas
Funny
Harmonica
Play
Stick
Going
Sticks
Really
Fast
Way
Car
Window
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright